I sent out a year in review email to my address book and this is that email.
Last New Year's eve was very uneventful for me. I didn't go out. All of my friends had other plans so I stayed home.
The first thing I decided to do in 2004 was to do something about my hair. My friends always complain that I never do anything with it. So I cut it off. Well not all off just WAY shorter than I'm used to. Not a major event but pretty big for me cause I had to adjust to it being that way. Which let me tell you I hated for the first month until I figured out how to make it look decent every day.
For a brief period I considered moving to Newfoundland. I got all my papers in order so I could teach there. I sent off a few applications but I never heard anything back.
My next attempt at changing my life was to apply for the Ontario Internship Program. It seemed perfect. But I never got a call for an interview.
I joined a photography club with my friend Ryan. I've met some interesting people there and it's given me more confidence. As a result I had three of my photographs hanging on display at the Thunder Bay Museum all summer. After the show ended I gave one of them to Karen and the other two are in my room. One is hanging and the other is stuffed in the closet.
I started to work more seriously at my photography skills this past year. I've started reading Photoshop journals and tutorials on the net. I also attempted to learn portraiture earlier in the year. I couldn't find anyone who would pose for me so I ended up using myself which doesn't work because I can't concentrate on the camera if I have to worry about where to stand.
I spent about a month in the spring with a horrible cold. Possibly the worst cold I've had in years. I ended up with Laryngitis and a cough that lasted forever! I have never had a cough that was so bad that the cough syrup with codeine couldn't keep it at bay. Usually I can take that stuff before bed and I can sleep through the night no problem. With that bug I couldn't sleep for a week. I'd cough ALL night. I actually got used to functioning on no sleep which for me is unheard of.
I also started some tutoring for a friend of mine. She asked me to teach her web design. So for a while once every week I was giving her a lesson on it. It has allowed me to at least use those skills even if it's in a limited way.
This was a crazy busy year for weddings. Karen's brother Derek got married in June. It was a beautiful outdoor ceremony. I took tons of pictures. I like being able to do that.
Then Mandy and Ryan got married. That was like a HUGE month with showers and parties and spa nights. By the time the wedding was over I think everyone breathed a collective sigh of relief because now they could relax. But it was an elegant and fun wedding.
Then in August my cousin Michelle got married. That wedding was a little less harried. Nice though. It got all the family togther which was the good part.
That wasn't the end of the wedding march so to speak. There were two other weddings that I didn't attend but I'm sure they went well.
But along with the joy that comes with weddings there is also the opposite which comes with death. Many people died this year that profoundly affected me.
Kate's Uncle Donald was an amazing man. Generous, kind, brave and wise. He inspired me. He always left you feeling better about yourself and about the world. He made the world better. It seems to me so often that the people we lose are the people who make our world better. He was one of them. He told me once to never let anything scare you and it's a sentiment I will never forget. These words had come from a man who had faced cancer and had survived. It was a very wise statement that I'll hold in my heart forever. I will never forget him.
The terrible thing of this year is that all the people whom died that affected me, died from cancer. There was a girl named Allison who I worked with at Chapters bookstore. The thing is that no one knew that she had cancer. When she worked at Chapters she was just like the rest of us. She was so goal oriented she knew what she wanted and she went after it. Her mother told me that she didn't want anyone to know she was sick. She wanted to be treated like everyone else and she wanted to live life to it's fullest. Which she did till the moment she died. But her bravery and strength made me stop and think about my own life and how lucky I am to be here.
To round off this sad section I must add that my mother lost a cousin to cancer this year as well. I didn't know her very well but by the end I felt like I did. Theresa's sister sent an email requesting family members email photos of her and she would print them out and add them to the gallery in her hospital room. Her room was covered with pictures sent from all over. My mother had me go through her old photo album and she pulled pictures out for me to send. I learned things about Theresa and my Mother from that album.
Life and death both have lessons and this year I've learned many of them.
At the beginning of the year I had allowed my dear friend Eyrin to talk me into attempting to take up running. My reason was that I wanted to be able to wear an awesome dress to the weddings I had to attend this year. I tried for awhile but I came to the realization that this was her quest and not mine. I went back to rollerblading but I didn't do so hot at that either. At the end of October I joined a gym and for me it is working out better.
If I had to sum up 2004 I would have to say the main focus was my job. The seemingly eternal quest of trying to find a new one. When I look back on all my journal entries that was the thing that consumed my year. Looking and looking but not finding. I guess it's the quest for finding my place essentially. The place where I'm happy and I feel like I belong. I'm still floundering. And it's embarassing at the age of 27 to be doing this. Everyone else has found this and I'm still floundering. I just can't find anything that seems right enough to sink my teeth into it.
For me I'm glad 2004 is over. January is always a great time to start over. I hope that 2005 will bring great things for you all. I'll try and keep in touch better this year. But I beg your forgiveness in advance if I fail at this.
"The person who, being really on the way falls upon hard times in the world, will not, as a consequence, turn to that friend who offers him refuge and comfort and encourages their old self to survive. Rather, he will seek out someone who faithfully and inexorably help him to risk himself, so that he may endure the difficulty and pass courageously through it. Only to the extent that a person exposes himself over and over to annihilation, can that which is indestructible be found within them. In this daring lies dignity and the spirit of true awakening." ~Karlfield Von Durkheim
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